Ghosting has becoming a plague in modern dating. But what is it exactly? Why do people ghost? And how to deal with it?

You’re texting regularly, the conversations are flowing, maybe you’ve even been on a few dates. And then…nothing. No reply. No explanation. Just silence. Congratulations, you’ve just been ghosted. And if it’s happened to you, you’re not alone.

Ghosting is one of the most painful (and unfortunately common) behaviors in modern dating. It leaves people confused, anxious, and often blaming themselves for something they didn’t cause. While the term, once primarily associated with dating, now extends to friendships, professional interactions, and even family dynamics.

But what exactly is ghosting, and why do people do it?

What is Ghosting?

Simply put, ghosting is when someone abruptly ends all communication without warning or explanation.
Imagine you’ve been actively chatting with someone, perhaps even gone on a few dates, and then, without a single word, they simply disappear. No text back, no calls answered, no social media interaction – nothing. They’ve become a “ghost.” They abruptly end contact and disappear, offering no closure.
This sudden and unexplained disappearance can happen at any stage of dating: after a few texts or online matches, after a couple of dates, or even after weeks or months of dating.

The rise of social media and online dating apps has undeniably facilitated this behavior. Previously, you met people from a small dating pool, limited to your neighbourhood and areas that you usually frequented. Most likely, your date was part of a social web made up of family, friends, acquaintances, church members, and others. It would have been difficult for them to ghost you because of the social consequences they would face.
However, today, the ease of blocking someone, unfriending them, or simply ceasing to reply to messages makes it an “easy” escape from confrontation or emotional discomfort.

Why Does Ghosting Happen? The Psychology Behind the Silence

While ghosting can feel deeply personal to the recipient, the reasons behind it often have more to do with the ghoster’s internal world than with the person being ghosted. Understanding these psychological drivers can help you realize that it’s not a personal attack. It’s not about you, but rather about them.

Fear of Conflict and Confrontation

This is arguably the most prevalent reason. Ending any relationship, even a casual one, can involve uncomfortable conversations. Many ghosters admit to dreading confrontation so much that disappearing seems easier than discussing their feelings or delivering bad news (Delta Psychology). It’s a way to avoid guilt, awkwardness, or a potentially emotional scene.

It’s a coping mechanism for people who are conflict-avoidant or emotionally immature.

Avoidant Attachment Styles

Our attachment styles, formed in early childhood, influence how we connect with others. Individuals with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with intimacy and vulnerability. When a relationship starts to feel too close or demanding, ghosting becomes a defense mechanism to preserve distance and emotional safety. They may withdraw when they perceive a threat to their independence.

Lack of Empathy or Emotional Intelligence

Some ghosters may genuinely lack the ability to understand or fully grasp the emotional toll their actions take on the other person. They might underestimate the hurt, confusion, and anxiety their silence causes. This isn’t always malicious intent; sometimes, it’s a result of a deficit in emotional awareness.

Self-Protection and Past Trauma

For some, ghosting may be a protective mechanism stemming from past negative experiences or a fear of rejection. They may choose to disappear before they can be hurt themselves, or if they anticipate a difficult breakup.

They Weren’t That Invested

Some ghosters never intended to pursue anything meaningful. To them, things were casual, so instead of ending it “officially,” they disappeared.
This doesn’t make it okay, but it explains why people feel justified walking away without closure.
This is one of the harshest realities: some people don’t see early dating connections as real obligations. If you only exchanged a few messages or had one date, they may feel it’s “not a big deal” to ghost.

How Ghosting Affects You

Ghosting is often described as a “silent breakup,” but it’s more than that. Being ghosted can have significant negative effects on mental health as it taps into some of our deepest emotional wounds. The sudden disappearance without closure leaves the ghosted person confused, trying to make sense of what happened and why. It can trigger feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, triggering self-doubt, increasing anxiety, and, in some cases, even lead to feelings of paranoia in future interactions.

How to Respond If You’ve Been Ghosted

If you have been ghosted, remember this: it’s not about you, it’s about them. While it’s natural to feel hurt and confused, try to avoid blaming yourself. Focus on yourself, talk to family and friends, and allow yourself time to process your emotions.
Don’t chase them. You might want to send a final message like: “I’m not sure what happened, but I wish you well.” That’s fine, but if they don’t reply, don’t keep pushing. You deserve someone who communicates, not someone who disappears.

Ghosting Is About Them, Not You

Being ghosted can make you question everything: your worth, your attractiveness, your likability. But the truth is: ghosting is a reflection of their communication skills, emotional maturity, and values, not your value as a person. It’s about them, not you.

If someone disappears without a word, they’ve done you a favor. They’ve shown you, early on, that they’re not equipped for honest connection. Healthy relationships require honesty, clarity, and communication.