Jealousy is a complex emotion and perhaps one of the most intricate and powerful emotions that can arise in a romantic relationship. While emotions belong to the realm of the irrational, there are rational ways to attempt to make sense of jealousy. Scientific studies show jealousy is an ancient and primal emotion deeply rooted in our evolutionary past that can be triggered by various factors, such as real or perceived threats to a relationship. But what exactly is jealousy? Why do we experience it? And how to deal with it?

The Evolutionary Roots of Jealousy

Jealousy (or “the green eyed-monster”), like many other emotions, has its origins in our evolutionary history. Our distant ancestors lived in social groups where cooperation and interpersonal bonds were essential for survival. In such environments, jealousy served a crucial role in preserving and protecting these connections. In other words, jealousy is an adaptive emotion that helped our ancestors survive and reproduce. 

Anthropologists propose that jealousy primarily emerged as a mechanism to safeguard valuable resources, such as mates and social status. In the context of relationships, feelings of jealousy arise when individuals perceive a potential threat to their emotional and reproductive investment in a partner. These feelings were adaptive as they encouraged individuals to protect their interests and ensure the continuation of their genes within their offspring.

The Psychological Underpinnings of Jealousy

From a psychological perspective, jealousy is often seen as a fear of loss. When we feel jealous, we fear losing something we value, such as our partner’s love, attention, or respect. This fear of loss can lead to a number of negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and anxiety.

Research indicates that jealousy can manifest in two distinct forms: reactive and suspicious jealousy.

Reactive Jealousy: This type of jealousy is a response to a real or perceived threat. It often occurs in response to direct evidence of a partner’s interest in someone else, a reaction to a specific event such as witnessing a partner flirting with someone else, or your partner receiving messages from a potential rival.

Suspicious Jealousy: Suspicious jealousy, on the other hand, is characterized by constant vigilance and insecurity within the relationship. It arises from a deep-seated fear of potential infidelity, even if there’s no tangible evidence for it. This usually stems from past relationship experiences, personal insecurities or attachment styles.

Of course, jealousy is not always adaptive. In today’s world, we are no longer faced with the same challenges as our ancestors. However, jealousy can still be a powerful emotion that can significantly impact our relationships.

Managing Jealousy in Relationships

While jealousy might have different origins, it can have devastating consequences for a relationship if not managed. 

Here are some strategies based on scientific research to address jealousy:

1. Open Communication: Honest and open communication between partners is crucial in addressing feelings of jealousy. Talk to your partner about your feelings without pointing fingers to foster understanding and communication.
2. Building Trust: Cultivating trust is vital to reducing jealousy within relationships. Trustworthiness is necessary for a secure emotional bond. Any suspicious behaviour will damage that trust and, therefore, the relationship. 
3. Identifying Triggers: Recognizing individual triggers for jealousy can help partners understand the underlying causes and work together to alleviate them. For example, work on your irrational thoughts and challenge them. 
4. Addressing Insecurities: Personal insecurities can contribute to excessive jealousy. Working on self-esteem and self-worth can mitigate the impact of jealousy on relationships. 

Low Self-Esteem and Jealousy

Many studies have shown a correlation between low self-esteem and jealousy. That self-critical inner voice judges us by perpetuating negative and sometimes destructive thoughts about ourselves.

These thoughts can feed our jealousy because we see every other person as a rival by thinking so little of ourselves. Because we think it is obvious for our partner to cheat on someone like us and look for indications of dishonestly and disloyalty. 

These negative feelings about ourselves often originate in our childhood. 

Once we understand jealousy and its mechanisms, it becomes easier to deal with it. Whether dealing with our emotions or our partner’s, learning about the feeling and its origins is always the most effective way to cope with it. And, eventually, overcome it.