It has happened to many of us, either with a friend, a sister, or your dear cousin: eventually, someone close to you will date a guy you despise. And if it’s not hate, then there’s something not quite right about them. Maybe it’s just a gut feeling, but if there’s something I’ve learned the hard way over the years, it’s to trust your instinct: a feeling might not be completely rational, but it’s an indication that there’s something not quite right about it—even if you can put your finger on it.

It’s an uncomfortable position to be in: you care about your friend and worry she’ll make a mistake, but, at the same time, you fear that honesty might ruin your friendship for good. I’ve always opted for telling the truth but in a considerate manner.

But the real question is: why should you leave someone you love just because your friends and family don’t like him? What should their opinion matter? 
True, they do not know him as well as you, but they do know you, and that’s why their dislike of him is a red flag.

1. Why their opinion matters because they love you.
Family and friends are not only the people that know you the best but also those who care the most about you and have your best interest at heart. 
Sometimes, as we enter a relationship, we reach a stage where we cannot (or do not want to) read the signs objectively. Your close circle is therefore here for that. Think of them as a set of glasses to fix your myopia. Their concerns and worries can help you notice what you overlooked. So listen carefully to what they have to offer, as it may save you a lot of heartache and pain down the line.

2. An objective pair of eyes is better than a smitten one.
There’s a moment (for me in the early stages) of a relationship when we start making excuses for things that would have been a dealbreaker on a first date. That is the beginning of love, and, as we know, love is sometimes blind. That’s when your close circle comes into play. Family and friends understand your taste, your values and your lifestyle. They might notice an incompatibility of values or lifestyle between you. Or it might be your partner’s attitudes or behaviour towards you that raises concern. Little things that you either ignored and categorized as insignificant or that you excused for whatever reason you came up with (“Oh, he’s tired”, “It’s stress”, “It was just a joke…”). 
The truth is that others will see what we do not (want to) see. And when people love us and only have our happiness and best interest at heart, listen. It may save you a lot of heartache down the road.

3. Your circle will become his circle.
Remember, your partner will eventually integrate your circle of friends and vice versa. So, in an ideal world, your partner and friends would get along or, at least, be civil to each other. Not only their dislike of him is a red flag, but it’s also a serious inconvenience in practical terms: what will your social life look like while dating him? Will you have to compartmentalize your social life in separate boxes that never (or barely meet)? Are you always separating your friends and your boyfriend?
But the truly important question is: Do you feel comfortable introducing him to your friends? Because this is just an important red flag, as your friends loathing your partner is. 
Friends play an important role in our lives. And if you are not integrating each other’s group, you should early on contemplate that you will not share important chunks of your lives together. And if you do not have much to share in common, then how much do you actually have in common?

While family and friends’ negative opinions and comments should serve as warning signs, this is on the assumption that their observations are based on common sense. People (parents) with excessively high expectations and impossible to please, judgmental friends are having mean comments about everything, and everyone is not exactly what I had in mind…
So, in the realm of Common Sense, listen to what family and friends they have to say. You might not like what they have to say, but you might like the time and heartache it will save you.

Remember that.

And as my Italian grandmother used to say, “Tell me who you surround yourself with, and I will tell you who you are”.